The ego cannot love — it can only be attached (sometimes very passionately) or in repulsion (hatred). Usually the feelings of an egoistic person are like a pendulum: As long as they gain pleasure, they “love”. If unpleasant things start to happen or they just get bored, they start to hate. And the more they “loved” the stronger they will hate — like a pendulum.
It has been correctly stated that from “love” to hate there is only one step. On the subtle plane, strong attachment and strong hatred have an equally devastating effect both in relation to the object to which it is directed and to the person himself.
For example, a man idolizes a woman, thinks of her as a source of supreme bliss. As a rule, it means that he gets a lot of sexual pleasure from her, she praises him and feeds well. If he keeps idolizing her, those qualities and abilities that attract him, a woman will lose, and the universe will construct a situation in such a way that he will be disappointed with her (for example when she will have a lot of wrinkles) or lose her.
When an egoistic person says: “I love you” — he means, “I want you, I want to enjoy you, I want to use you for my enjoyment, oh how much pleasure you give me”.
When a truly spiritual person says: “I love you”, it means: “I am ready to serve you unconditionally, to sacrifice everything, including life itself if need be, I accept you completely the way you are.”
There is a wonderful parable about Buddha’s love, taken from his biography.
Once, an immoral woman fell in love with the Buddha. She was attracted by his radiant appearance without acknowledging the true situation of the Buddha. She confessed her love for him directly in the presence of his students, causing much confusion. The Buddha replied to her with a kind smile and… also confessed his love.
However, when the woman approached him, he gently told her not to hurry, because her love first had to be verified. He promised her that once he had verified her love, he would find her himself and touch her. The disciples were scared of this promise, because a monk must not touch a woman’s body…and the Buddha always fulfilled his promises. Beaming with happiness, the woman went away and waited for the promise.
Time passed, and the students seemed to have forgotten all about the incidence. A year later, the Buddha was dining with his disciples when he suddenly jumped to his feet and cried out loudly: “I’m coming to you, I’m coming!” and started to run. On the questions of his disciples, he said that his beloved was calling for him.
The disciples could not stop the Buddha and so ran after him. When they reached the place of their first meeting, they found the woman lying on the ground terribly ill. Blood and pus seeped from her body, spreading the stench around. The look of this woman completely terrified the disciples. But the Buddha walked over to her and picked her up.
He said: “I love you, and came to touch your body. Where are all those who had previously confessed their love to you and who touched you? Why do they not come here?”
He healed her from the disease and she became his faithful disciple.
Everything that we idolize in this world, we lose, as we put this object above God’s love. In this world we have the right to have everything that we are not afraid to lose.