Recently I’ve had several meetings, phone calls, which made me change my views on my life, particularly on the relationships with other people.
I started thinking deeply about it after the 4th level of the Eastern Psychology, where we were talking about friendship. The ability to be a friend precedes the ability to love. The real friend is someone, who feels friendliness towards everyone and who doesn’t increase our ego, on the contrary, he helps us to reduce it.
I told some stories, which happened to me last month.
1. Our friends have visited us recently — a family with 4 children, that lives nearby. They are very mellow and pleasant, on a rather high spiritual level. I gave them my book in English “Ten steps to happiness”. The head of the family opened it, read a couple of ideas, which he liked very much. He congratulated me with the release of the book in Canada, wished me every success and to distribute over 300 000 copies of it. Then he stopped, looked at me and added very attentively: “But don’t become proud of yourself.” He told it very sincerely and inspired me very much.
2. I’ve had a phone conversation with my friend. He has been ailing for many years and during the last year his illness became stronger. I gave him consultations several times, but it is difficult for him to work on himself, change his habits and follow advices during a long period of time. Nearly every month he informed me about another new healer with incredible abilities, but none of these healers helped him. By his voice I understood that this time he phoned me not to tell about a new healer. He was very upset; none of the treatments could help him. Every day the pain was stronger, it was more and more difficult for him to move, moreover he could have become disabled and thus had to take anesthetics and many other medicines. He told me about one lady who had been in such situation and he was very afraid to repeat her experience. I looked at his subtle body, he had a lot of fears and his energy was quite bad. I told something that shocked him:
— What are you afraid of? We should inwardly accept any situation, even if it is difficult. In the eastern psychology it is told that we could solve problem or cure illness only if we accept it.
— How could I accept, if there are no chances to recover?
— So, you should accept that all your life you will suffer from strong illness. There were a lot of times when you were pleased and satisfied and didn’t think about the consequences. Behave like a real man. To be on a high spiritual level means to accept any situation and sometimes it doesn’t depend on the quantity of clever books we have read. Imagine, that your life will be full of sufferings and say: “I accept it if the God wants. I trust in God.” By the way, what happened to that lady?
— In spite of sufferings she finds time to help people, works on her spiritual level and improves quickly.
— You see, my friend, she is a good example of a strong person.
He started thinking seriously. In seconds his energy became better. He thanked me and told that it was good friendly support.
3. Before my departure to Vienna a friend of mine from the USA called me. We talked a little bit about the recent news than he asked for some advice about his astrological chart. It was unexpected when he told that he regularly visited my web site and was very interested in my work, a lot of his friends read my books, the magazine and they were really inspired by it.
Then he told something, what made my heart fill with happiness and pleasure, but my mind and ego protested.
— You have very quick growth; more and more people are inspired by you and are thankful. It is a good basis for pride and ego. You should think about it, you know better than me how to cope with the ego.
It is interesting that in our society it is thought that a friend is a person, who praises us and an enemy is the one who criticizes us. But if we accept, behave with both of them in the same way, it calms down our mind.
Since my childhood this topic (friendship) has been very important to me. I took it from my mother, who was an idealist and a woman with principles. From the kindergarten I learned that I was born male and I must respect and protect girls irrespective of their behavior, and by no means not to hit them.
Once I was criticized for something, that another boy had made, I tried to justify and defend myself and told about all his actions. I was scolded even more, because it is not good to give away others.
One day I came home rather unkempt, with bruises and in a torn shirt. It was not the first time and my parents always criticized me severely. But when they understood, that I was defending my classmates from a group of rowdy senior pupils, then they praised me.
During my childhood and youth I have been reading books with a strong desire and pleasure, remembered many details and especially I liked books about nobleness and faithfulness and where betrayal was condemned. The book “Two captains” by Kaverin was a favorite book of my mother and now I like it very much.
When my father was leaving me in the military university he told me: “Dear son, please remember, in our generation there were no betrayers, talebearers or thieves, never take something, that doesn’t belong to you no matter how difficult and bad you feel”. He knew the reality of soviet army better than me.
One of the main reasons why I have chosen the career of a soldier was that I had read a lot about Russian noble officers, and the soviet officers were well described in literature of that time.
I felt much sober during the first years in the University. Although I had very good friends, who I remember rather often, the atmosphere as a whole was very unpleasant. Betrayal, theft, backstabbing were very usual things among students and in the army.
When I started practicing spiritual knowledge, my aim was to find pure honest friendly relationships. And now I understand that in many religious and “spiritual” organizations the idea of friendship was quite spoiled:
— People don’t pay debts.
— Don’t keep their promises.
— Leave a suffering person alone in a dramatic situation and don’t help him.
And I saw many times, when a “very spiritual” person had an access to big money, he used to it and escaped.
Many years ago one Guru, who made propagation in western countries, told a phrase that I didn’t understand at first: “Spiritual people quarrel because of the followers and spheres of influence.”
I attracted a lot of such situations because of my idealism and sincerity. For example, when someone came to my groups during the festival I offered them to make a speech. Then it turned out that this person invited people from the festival to his own seminars and told untruthful things about me. Sometimes they offered me to invite people to seminars and from each one paid them 20%. But I can’t accept it. If there are some expenses it is necessary to cover it. I had an idea: it depends on God’s will if a person comes to my seminars or not. The same is about the exchange of banners, links or other advertisement. If I like someone, and I am sure that his books or lectures help and are effective, I recommend him in my books or the magazine. If you want, you can recommend me, if no — so no, it’s up to you.
I decided that in the close relationships honesty is the basis. It is very important for me.
Recently I have been invited to give lectures and seminars in one town. We agreed about the conditions, which were more profitable for the organizers than for me. I paid for the ticket, accommodation and for advertisements. I agreed because the economic situation in that country was not very good.
Next day I had a phone call — one of the organizers wanted to talk to me. I looked at his subtle body and I felt that his greediness increased a lot. He wanted to talk about financial terms again whereas the agreement had been made. I wrote them a letter, where I refused their offer politely although the tickets had been booked and the advertisements had been put. With such people it isn’t worth making any business because the results would be unpleasant and there would be lots of loss. Such selfish people who don’t keep their word attract misfortune rather often.
If a person is not loyal, he shouldn’t carry out any projects himself.
By the way, I have made astrological charts for my friends, who are really successful — they are very honest people.
Several ideas about friendship, which I have noted in my diary.
— Friendship precedes Love.
— The strongest, warmest and lifelong friendship is or begins in childhood or youth.
— It is not possible for a man and a woman to be real friends (if they are not married for a long time and live together happily; such friendship shows a very high level of family relationship). They can be colleagues, business partners or just acquaintance. Usually a phrase “Let’s become friends” means: “Let’s stop our sexual relationship and you won’t become an enemy to me”.
— There is a competition in a real friendship: who serves more (service precedes friendship) and brings more happiness. But it is very important for both to be on a high spiritual level; otherwise it is easy to bring up a parasite.
— It is also very important to remember about 3 positions in any relationships :
- Parental (with people who are less mature; we should help them to improve, but it is not worth becoming sincere and confide in them, familiarity destroys quickly).
- Adult ( when we treat somebody as an equal).
- Childish ( with people who are older, wiser and more sophisticated; we should serve them and learn from their experience) .
— A person who can not be loyal, honest, serve others is not able to attract real friendship.
This topic is discussed in more details in my seminars, dedicated to the relationships and nearly in all my books. Sorry that I have written here in a brief manner and quite generally.
This blog was written with a break of several days.
A friend of mine told me that I looked very tired. He knows that there are 2 things which can de-energize me quickly: flights and consultations. Even one consultation with unprepared person with a high level of consumption can de-energize me for several days.
He gave me an advice to choose first-class flights, to reduce quantity of consultations and more often to be close to nature.
Next day I went with my family for 3 days to travel around national parks, which are not far from my home.
We relaxed very well and I had got many creative ideas. I am really thankful to my friend for such advice.
In conclusion, I’d like to write one parable, which I think you will like and in comments I hope to read about your ideas and experience.
One emperor was walking in the forest and suddenly lost his way. When he saw a man, sleeping under the tree, he thought that this man could show him the way back. But when he came closer he saw that man’s mouth is opened — there are such people who sleep like this — and a tail of a snake was in his mouth. The emperor started whipping him. That man woke up suddenly and couldn’t understand anything. He cried:
— What are you doing? What for you are whipping me? What was wrong about me? Oh my God, what devil you are! You are very powerful, more than a horse! I can’t fight with you!
The emperor made that man eat rotten fruits, which were on the ground and went on whipping him. The man was crying and kept on eating fruits that smelled badly. Finally, he felt sick and lost consciousness. As he vomited the snake fell out of him.
When that man saw a snake he bowed the emperor and thanked him:
— With great compassion towards me you have whipped me and made eat rotten fruits. It is a great luck. The God sent you to me in the right moment, otherwise I would die. But if you told me that I swallowed a snake I wouldn’t have curse you.
The emperor answered:
— If I had told you that, it wouldn’t have been possible to take the snake out and you would have died. If I had told that you swallowed a snake, I wouldn’t have made you eat fruits and you would have lost consciousness and it would have been impossible to save you. That is why I made myself keep silent and whipped you. I worried only about how to make you vomit and spit out a snake.
This story is a basis for one Sufi proverb. Maybe you heard it somewhere: “It is better to have a wise enemy, than a stupid friend.”