Recently I have read a quote of one spiritual Master. He said that as long as we are in this material world, and no matter how highly developed we are, even if we reached enlightenment, the ego can pull us down to the bottom again.
I then recalled some events that have changed me radically, one can even say I was reborn. If you listen to my lectures and seminars before and after that outstanding experience, you can see that their contents and energies differ.
Later in life I felt similar experiences and trance states too, but that particular occurrence was memorable due to many factors, including the amount of lessons I was given and considering how painful the events surrounding me at that time in life were.
Below is the recording of my story.
In 2004, I was invited to the International Festival of Psychics and Psychotherapists Stars in Kazakhstan.
This very useful meeting took place up in the mountains. There were 3-4 hour long lessons (so-called “feeds”). The day was divided into three such feeds. I had the second feed. But at the first feed I was considered a student . This feed was conducted by one of my peers, the young Kazakh who was the teacher and practitioner of Sufism. He was a psychotherapist and the director of a clinic.
The scenery of the place we visited was fantastic, especially when you stayed on the top of the hills and looked down at the valley. At the bottom of the highlands was the city of Alma-Ata. We were told that Christians were visiting that place and were praying the whole summer, and that other spiritual groups were keen on arranging various events there.
Generally, our lessons consisted of spiritual trainings with a bit of theory. Practical lessons resembled Vedic and Buddhist breathing meditative techniques but instead of Vedic, the Sufi mantras were chanted.
When I was going to the first lesson, I caught myself thinking that I didn’t have enough respect for my teacher as he was my friend and I used to consult him on a privileged basis. But I knew the rule: It doesn’t do any good if you don’t respect your teacher, especially if you go to spiritual lessons. “Stop! What’s the point of going there, if you don’t respect your teacher?” — I reminded myself. I began to bow down to him before climbing up to the meadow where the training took place. During the lesson, every time I caught myself on my pride and vanity (for instance, when I was noticing the teacher making some slight mistakes conducting the class), I kept bowing to him in my mind.
And I prayed to God that these classes were the most useful lessons for my soul. “I am learning, dear God. Let me come closer to your divine love. Show me what are the biggest obstacle on my path here.”
During that training the teacher gave us some deep and well-grounded knowledge of keeping the mind in clarity. He usually ended our set of exercises with the spiritual tales. On the sixth, the last day, the mind becomes silent and clear. The teacher said: “Feel your body, ask yourself, what does your body want to do? What does your Self want right now?” Then all the students spread around the meadow in contemplation. I focused too.
It happened that before my journey there, to the Festival, I had worked hard and for long hours sitting motionlessly at the computer. When I arrived there were numerous consultations, seminars. There was little physical activity and I was mostly inactive during consultations and seminars at the Festival. It was no wonder that I wanted to move, my body wanted to move. I began running, doing various exercises, boxing, push-ups. And it felt good. And then I focused on what my soul wanted: to bow, for some reason I wanted to bow to everybody. It was unusual for me to bow to everybody. I could bow to my teacher, yes, but not to everybody. “Ok,” I thought reluctantly, and began to bow.
There were 40 individuals there, and I approached each and bowed down to the feet to every person. I bowed with a smile. Some smiled back. Some were just lying on the ground, some were walking. Only a few people bowed in response to my bows, but others refusal to do so didn’t offend me.
Later on I noticed an interesting reaction: after a few bows I felt like crying. My ego was reducing its grip somehow. The tears started pouring out and I tried to hide them. And suddenly many divine afflatuses came to me. I felt humbled and got a realization that all people were a part of God and everyone in the group was equal to each other. People were one with God. When I finished bowing to everybody, I went downhill to a secluded cave. And then it really started… I will just describe what I recall…
In the beginning of my experience, I had some mental understanding, and then my mental process stopped. Instead, an inner understanding and vision came. The visions lasted for about two- three hours, during which tears constantly streamed down my face. I literally had to squeeze my wet clothes to dry…
I had clearly realized that I was the soul, eternal, full of knowledge and bliss. I saw the ego — a black clot of dirty energy that didn’t let people be a part of the unending bliss and filled people with fears, hunger for money and power. I looked at a grass-blade and saw that I was not superior to it, not much important. Moreover, all in the world was uniform, was a unity: mountains, trees and all the creatures, — all was One. This Oneness was full of the undescribable bliss. This Oneness was Love. And it is our nature to be a part of this ocean of Love. Humanity is isolated from this ocean of Love by its ego and mind, which tend to make all eternal things temporary and all temporary things eternal, and to make us hungry for reputation, power and money or even for selfish spiritual goals.
Suddenly I realized clearly that the level of my own pride was very high and that I was an egoist all my life. And all that made me suffer through the life. “Dear God, take my ego, brake my pride, teach me to be free of pride and therefore full of love,” I was crying out with all my heart. I didn’t care what those people who heard my weeping thought about me. More revelations came during that time. One of them was that the more people moved away from this Oneness, the more they suffered. But, unfortunately, today it is the usual path for a human. I also had a concrete sense of staying out of time and space. “Here and now”. In other words, I was completely absorbed in the present moment.
That was a new experience related to my perception of time. Later I understood it deeper, when I have read some books of Eckhart Tolle and also some other books on theosophy. Prior to this experience I treated the God as a person, but this time I have got the vision (would be better to say, a realization ) that this Holy Spirit (Oneness), was simultaneously both, a living and an impersonal being. A definition of this living being, this Divine Personality, doesn’t have the same meaning known to us in the physical reality. And you must get rid of your ego totally to discover this Divine Personality.
I prayed to God to crack my ego, but I got some inner understanding that all that was temporary and that I will have to put up the mask of ego again and that I will have to return to my social activities more intensely and a bit differently.
The drumbeat brought me to my senses. It was necessary to get up and return to the circle of the rest of the students. One by one people were sharing their experiences. I was almost the last person in the circle to talk and when it was my turn, I could say nothing and started to cry even louder than before. Everybody was looking at me but I kept crying. I understood that I should stop weeping. My ego (now I understand clearly that it was the ego) said, “Stop it! You are a guru and a teacher. Behave yourself more solidly. Say something smart, come on, you can do it… Stop whining!”
But I kept on crying more and more. I was weeping with emotions as that devilish dictate of the pride came back again.
After the circle was closed, and I was alone, I tried to recuperate for an hour walking around and trying to get into my “normal” state. I missed my the dinner , probably, for the first time in my life without regret.
Later on in the schedule there was my lecture-seminar entitled “How can you get rich?”. It seemed like a down-to-earth title. But I knew intuitively that I should participate in it. Before I went, I prayed to God that if my ego showed up again, He would intervene and burn it out with hot iron and put an end to it immediately. But then I smiled and asked myself: “How could my ego and pride come back after the earlier events?”
In a couple of days I even regretted of my request and noticed with interest that ego in fact inflated especially when it was beaten up by sure way of close people.
My psych teacher and I took part in the same feed.
But this is another long story. Maybe I will tell it to you later though my ego shouts: “Don’t do this. How long could you return to this horror?” I just wanted to tell you that after the Festival I have clearly realized that I should keep up trainings (not only seminars and lectures). And I’ve realized what kind of trainings it should be. Right after the Festival I conducted my own one training entitled “The way to get rid of egoism and why it is important”. At this training there were only 12 participants in person and far less in Moscow. But it wasn’t important for me. The way I conducted my consultations has been also changed. I started to base them on my inner vision rather than on the natal charts.
By the way, Svetlana Budina was at that Festival. Today she is the director of our Vedic astrology school…
Since then I teach mostly intuitively.
It just “comes” to me what trainings and seminars to conduct, and how, or what books it is necessary to write. Sometimes information comes on what I don’t really know. But then “unexpectedly” an appropriate book or lecture on the topic, or some short statement in a conversation bring a necessary puzzle into the system.
By the way, after that experience I realized that I should publish our magazine entitled “Blagodarenie” I am getting many working ideas, but I don’t have enough time to pursue them I began to pray before my practical courses that this Divine Love coming through me helped people to come closer and be filled with this Divine Love.
Below is the photo with a female healer from Kazakhstan whom my ego related to one of the best healers, as she complimented me a lot and foretold me many good things:-)