If you want your child to grow up into an adult worthy of respect, remember that first of all parents themselves need to have higher, spiritual values and be an example to the children. Children are prone to repeating adult actions, and very few actually listen to notions. The first and foremost advice to parents: get busy with your own self-development.
1. THE ROLE OF A PARENT
Being a parent is a difficult job. Motherhood is a real profession, and a sophisticated one at that. A mother needs to know about first aid, be an excellent teacher, know how to create a comfortable home and make an atmosphere conducive to raising children. This requires skills and education.
One of the main criteria for a successful life is the way you raise your children, and how much love you were able to give them.
For a child’s upbringing both the mother and father are important, in other words the balance of feminine and masculine energies is important. The role of the mother is very important in the child’s first year: a child needs care and nurturing. The father should take on the responsibility of the child’s upbringing from approximately the age of 7. It is important that the father is not too soft and accommodating with children, and the mother is not harsh. If a child is not exposed to correct masculine and/or feminine energy in childhood he or she may have issues with health and difficulties in life.
2. PROTECT CHILDREN FROM MEDIA INFLUENCE
Modern culture is actively calling for mass consumption. This comes down through advertising, cartoons and movies. The child, from the early years, is surrounded by a call to action to consume particular brands. If you just dismiss the danger of this tendency, there is a risk he will turn into stupid and egoistic creature, and it will be easy to manipulate him.
Everything starts from modern cartoons, especially many American ones. They look like they are created for little children. Pay attention to the story line: aggression, fights, and struggle are key portrayals. Movies for adolescents have even more abuse, sexual context, and ridicule of family values.
Access to TV, laptops, tablets and cellphones should be limited. May parents today complain that a child is absorbed in the virtual space. The best way is not to have TV at home, and not to buy a laptop for a child as long as possible. You should pick and choose the cartoons and movies yourself, and select those which you can watch as a family, together.
3. SELECT A SCHOOL WITH METICULOUS CARE
By putting your child in the first available school you are taking a huge risk, as he may get under an influence of bad company, and any family influence will be weakened or even destroyed. If there are no appropriate schools close to your house where the right moral values are taught, I would suggest to consider home-schooling your child.
The data from Canada suggests that kids on homeschooling program have a better education and cultural values compared to those who went to public schools.
If your kids must go to a public school, be very keen and involved in their educational progress. There is no teacher which can replace family harmony . Don’t outsource the responsibility of your child’s education to a teacher at school. Take a very active role in your child’s learning process. Some schools for example, encourage parents to attend school after classes once a week to communicate with kids: some share about their profession and career, others — about books, third group talks about self-esteem. These extra-curricular classes are much more useful than regular lessons.
Find time to talk to the class teacher. Be interested in knowing in what is going in your child’s life. A child absorbs everything like a sponge, so ensure that he absorbs the only through «clear waters». You must watch and know what he reads, learns and sees.
I would like to make a separate note about differences of education in the west and in the East. In the Western culture an educated human being is the one who read many books, learned large amount of data, and passed through numerous exams and tests. In the East, if you read a lot but are unhappy, sick, or not successful, and most importantly, your character and personality have not improved, your knowledge is useless.
4. BE STRICT WITH YOUR CHILDREN
Remember how the children of aristocrats were raised in earlier times. Their education was strict: discipline, modest conditions, and no pity. There are similar situations in the private schools of the West. Children under 5 need to be loved and nurtured, with many allowances and less strictness. But things need to become stricter after the age of 5, especially for boys.
From the age of 12-15 adolescents go through a difficult, «revolutionary» period of growth, when they riot, are rude and scandalous, they can harm themselves, without even knowing/understanding it. So the best way is when children are absorbed in studying what they like: be it music, sports, arts. Do not allow them too much time for relaxation.
5. TEACH CHILDREN TO GIVE AND SHARE
How can you protect a child from the negative influence of consumerism society? Only by teaching how to share as well as care about his close ones.
In Russia, many parents are afraid to traumatize a child, so they try to protect the child from the troubles of this world. I am not calling for taking your child to a hospice or hospital. Start with small things: clean the hallway or part of the street. Help those in need. Visit a retirement home, where they need volunteers.
Trying to hide your child from negative emotions and to give him only material wealth is a serious mistake. This is especially true for boys. It is best if your child experiences and builds a habit of selfless service from early childhood. This is very important.
6. DON’T BE AFRAID TO ACKNOWLEDGE MISTAKES
It is very important to have open and trusting relationships within the family. What can you do if you just realized that your children do not respect you and are not considerate towards your point of view?
Even if your children are older than 15, it is not too late to start building a trusting relationship. You may say, «I thought about it, and realized that I was wrong. I placed money first, wanting you to have everything. Thus I devalued our relationship».
You can advise your children, to experiment to work after school so they can experience the feeling of earning money. In the West, children get a work experience pretty early on. Make sure your child is not working somewhere with unfair or terrible working conditions, and only a few hours each day. A part-time job experience is a great option for them.
7. EAT WELL
Today’s parents complain that their children like junk food — burgers, coke, and pizza. Understand this: they like this type of food as you exposed them to it, and they are now accustomed to it.
Today’s foods are GMO foods, with chemicals, refined sugars and other products. All of this has a negative impact on the psyche; as well as the spiritual and physical health of an adult. Imagine its impact on a child.
Healthy meals must comprise of fresh, seasonal fruits and vegetables; raw, unprocessed honey; nuts and seeds; cereals from whole grains, gluten-free, freshly squeezed juices; green smoothies. It is best to avoid meat completely, or at least red meat in particular. It raises aggression in a child. Avoid processed sugars as far as possible (white, corn, etc).
8. CHOOSE FAMILY VALUES
Explain to your children that early «adult» life will influence their future destiny, health of their children, and can destroy them energetically. Getting sexually active early in life causes a huge loss of energy and it also takes away the focus from learning and creating something good for themselves.
Parents need to instill the value of becoming a good parent, in the child. Place family values above everything else. Let the child know that creating a harmonious family is an important goal. If he does not think about it from the early age, it might get too late to start thinking about this by the age of 30-35. Today we rarely see a normal, good family model: a family that is complete, happy, friendly and supportive. Do your best to show your children an example of such a family.
Wishing you happiness and harmony,
Rami Bleckt, PhD