A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. Brendan Francis
The ability to listen is one of the key requirements for building healthy relationships between people, for when we listen to some- one we are showing him that “What you are saying deserves attention and respect. I won’t rebuke you,” and this raises his self-esteem.
Love reveals itself through relationships, and relationships are formed when you give something away. When we listen to someone, he feels that he is needed and respected and appreciates that. If we are heard, we feel that we are accepted as we are. And this is the basic need of people. This is what Western and Oriental psychologists say.
One of the basic needs of a human being is to love and to be loved unconditionally, and this need is satisfied when we ac- cept other people as they are – without any reservation.
When you let your partner feel this, his or her heart opens. Sometimes, a few minutes of listening to someone are enough to help that person start a new life, to come out of a depression or to get a clear idea of how to get out of an emotional dead end. Some- one who is able to listen to other people is also able to hear oneself and, thus, can consciously say the right and appropriate thing, change his intonation when needed. The importance of these skills can scarcely be exaggerated enough.
PRACTICAL EXERCISE
Listen to yourself and do not swoon
Have you ever had such an experience: you switch on a tape recording of your own way of speaking, you hear it, and you feel ill at ease and ashamed?
If we could hear ourselves talking as a bystander, we would see ourselves in a totally different, more realistic light. That is why it is very important to work on our speech, hear what we say and how we say it.
Sometimes it is useful to record your speech and dialogues with other people and listen to them; that helps a lot when you are working to improve your abilities.
Assignment: Learn to listen to yourself, pay attention to every word you are saying and control your intonation.
Devote one day to that and, at the end of the day, take notes on what you have said that day and how you have said it. Per- haps at a certain point you’ll think: “I’m talking utter nonsense. It’s time to stop that.”
When you reach a higher level of consciousness, your speech will become conscious, because when listening to yourself attentively, you will not say anything that you might regret later and, hence, many problems and misfortunes will disappear from your life.
Moreover, when you get used to speaking consciously, you will notice that you talk a lot less than before and your ability to listen has increased many times.
