How to deal with fear

In stressful situations, there are certain biochemical processes that occur in our body to allow us to cope with stress. There is a number of incredible, extraordinary cases when, for example, one woman saw a wall weighing almost a ton falling on her child and she managed to stop it with her own strength and rescue her child.

On the other hand, fear and stress can cause difficulties in our life, even poison it. Unfortunately, life of modern people is saturated with fear. The thing is the less fears there are in our life, the more opportunities to succeed we have. Practically all successful business trainers warn us: “You will reach nothing, until you get rid of your fears”.

In percentage terms, the so-called “necessary” fears only make up 5 to 10 percent of all our fears. However, it cannot be called fear itself because it is just a common sense which prevents us from putting our hand into the burning fire, entering a cage with a tiger, etc.

When someone starts threatening us, an unconscious desire to recoil at the sight of danger can appear, but this is not a psychological state of fear. The psychological state of fear has nothing to do with any real threat. It can appear in various situations tension, nervousness, alarm, excitement, concerns and so on.

The psychological fear is always associated with the future events, not with the present. So when somebody being in the present turns their look and mind to the future, an artificial gap appears and it brings a person to an artificial life. This gap is the best place for fears, alarms and phobias to appear.

One can easily cope with the problems of the moment but we don’t have any chance to cope with the mind projection. You can’t overcome future. False ego is always aware of the threats from everywhere. The ego makes us identify ourselves with our mind.

“So anyone who is identified with their mind and, therefore, disconnected from their true power, their deeper self rooted in Being, will have fear as their constant companion. The number of people who have gone beyond mind is as yet extremely small, so you can assume that virtually everyone you meet or know lives in a state of fear. Only the intensity of it varies. It fluctuates between anxiety and dread at one end of the scale and a vague unease and distant sense of threat at the other. Most people become conscious of it only when it takes on one of its more acute forms.” – This is the quote from a remarkable book which I recommend you –“ The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle.

The majority of people constantly miss favorable opportunities because of fear, you can hardly ever meet a person who enjoys his life and job. Actual research shows that people, especially in the West, live under constant pressure of “unnecessary” fear: what if suddenly a new world war begins, what can happen with the medicine and so on. For the person living in fear, all the power centers are closed, and such a person cannot reach anything in life, cannot become happy and obtain physical and mental health.

The thing is for man living in fear it’s very difficult to enjoy life. The Universe sends him gifts one by one, but he doesn’t feel it, he doesn’t see it and eventually … he misses it. For example, if someone worries about what other people would think about him, he will be nervous and scared. People won’t be able to think good of him because they’ll know his status, it will even be seen on his face.

It is better to depend neither on negative nor on positive opinions of you. The unconditional love is much higher than that. Flattery and praise can be a serious obstacle. If you can be caught on any emotion and depend on the positive opinion of others – it is quite easy to manipulate you. The most harmonious state is the one when you perceive any reaction of the other people quietly. Buddha said: “They can throw dirty river sand into your eyes, or they can throw the golden one – that doesn’t matter at all”.

If we start to depend on other people’s opinion –our life turns into a nightmare. It goes without saying we should pay attention to the feedback we receive from others, but we should accept it quietly in order not to depend on their opinion.

The magnetized piece of metal lifts the freight that exceeds its own weight. But if the magnet is degausses, it won’t lift even a feather. The same to a person: if we are “magnetized”, we have a lot of energy based on love, also we create positive activity, it means we can do without useless activity. The sense of fear is the state that “degausses” the person.

There are numerous examples during which just a hundred or even less soldiers managed to win against an whole army in battle because of courage, self-confidence and fortitude of the fighters, especially of the commanders. On the other hand, there are instances during which a huge army was defeated because of fear.

Our success in life also depends on our “magnetizing”. We have already mentioned that the magnetized piece of metal lifts the freight that exceeds its own weight? But a degaussed one wouldn’t lift even a feather. Summing it up I would say that the FEAR destroys us.

Among people who come to my consultation very often I meet good and talented people who live


several levels below their karma level only because of fear. They are uncertain about a question: whether “I will be able or not?” After getting the correct information according to their mission and their level of consciousness, very often these people can create positive changes and have very good results even in a few months.

Such a status when we are “degaussed” makes us not only miss favorable opportunities, but also deprives us of the taste of life– it’s just like the situation when we sit at the table full of tasty dishes, but we worry about something or we are afraid of something. Will we really feel the wonderful taste of all these dishes?

Many people live in constant expectation – either of bad things or good things. This is our mind’s function – to be always in expectation of a certain result, even if we have not started yet. By the way, positive emotions connected with the expectation very soon can be replaced by the emotion of fear. You live in a pleasant anticipation of something – for example, purchase of a new apartment – but fears start to poison you: what if we fail to buy it, what if we are let down or robbed etc. Such expectations poison our life and, moreover, they increase chances for these bad things to happen.

Expectation is a state of mind. Being in such a state we declare to the Universe: we need the future and we do not need the present moment. It goes without saying that any expectation produces an unconscious conflict between the present moment where the person doesn’t want to be, and an illusory but desired future moment. Thus, the person himself poisons his own life, losing the present.

In order to live effortlessly in a stream, it is very important to get rid of such expectation because our mind tends to become attached to the expected result – either positive or negative.

Thus we attract all these negative things in our life because this is just the Law of the Universe: we attract in our life all the things we criticize and all the things we are afraid of. We should not forget about it.

For example, if you constantly criticize your neighbors, the situation wouldn’t change even if you moved to a new apartment. So, we should remember the rule: the things we criticize we do have inside.

In order to live without expectations, it is very important not to become attached to the results, to start living in the “Here and Now”. You obviously have the right to plan your life, but you are not attached to the results. Another important thing is to give thanks for the present moment as much as possible. It depends on how we internally believe in God. Do you know why Karl Jung did not consult people if after 35 – 40 years they did not believe in God? Because, according to his researches, one cannot overcome fear without such a belief.

The fear is stronger than condemnation. Our fears model our future reality. The more the person is overloaded with fears, the more problems he attracts in his life eventually. Each fear takes life energy away, “degausses” the person. On the contrary, we can’t resist the person who has no fears.

Let ‘s have a look at some examples. The great Russian commander-in-chief Skobelev was fearless and very clever – even bullets couldn’t damage him. He became a legend; he could storm an unapproachable fortress with just a few people. Here is another example : modern research shows that if a soldier was afraid to get his stomach wounded, his stomach eventually was exactly the one wounded.

Modern research also shows that accidents with children involved happen three-four times more often with the ones whose parents worry a lot about them. Statistics shows that 80 percent of people with cancer were very afraid of it and expected it. So it is natural – it is the law of the Universe.

The fear is always turned to the future, not to the present moment. If you live in the “Here and Now”, you have no fears, this guide is very useful. But our restless mind always makes us do something to become happy in the future.

Many people, who are engaged in spiritual practices, are full of fear for the future. They execute religious rules and rituals with the sole goal – to ensure heavenly life in the future. But if you practice it because of fear, there is no sense in it. More than two thousand years ago the son of one carpenter said: “The Kingdom of God in inside you”. Paradise is here and now. God is Love, it’s just difficult to imagine how He loves us, there is a number of evidences: the holy men, the people in a trance, the people who have come back after clinical death. Those who wanted to manipulate and earn on other people’s fears invented the fairy tale about angry and punishing God.

The biggest fear in this world is the fear of death. Despite the fact, that it may be difficult to believe in it, we all will die. If you overcome this basic fear, you will understand: we have nothing to be afraid of. Really, if all of us die eventually, what else should we be afraid of? Saint and simply fearless people die with joy.

It is very important to understand that we have only one life and it is eternal!!! In this world we constantly change bodies, something changes in life. But generally death (of a body, relationship, any period of life and so on.) is simply the termination of something and the beginning of something new.

Every minute of life we have a choice – to make a holiday from our life or to make a tragedy, tensely thinking of when the death will come. Just imagine – if it happens in 50 years, you are going to live all this 50 years in fear. The death is the same necessary attribute of life, as birth, diseases, ability … All of us are eternal souls, so why are we so afraid of the death of our bodies? We have lived already thousands of lives, our soul isn’t afraid of death: it knows that it’s eternal. Thus our ego and mind are afraid of death.

Fear of death is the main fear; all other fears are only its derivatives, in particular, fear of loss of relatives. Very often, this fear is much stronger than the fear of one’s own death. Eternity exists only in God’s kingdom; in our material world, everything is temporary, including our relationships with other people. We just have to accept it.

Imagine that you arrive to another country and hire a car for three days. In three days you have to return it. But it’s so smart and comfortable, you’ve become attached to it so you don’t want to give it back at all. There are tears on your eyes, you are crying: “How shall I live without you?” … Isn’t it funny?

The situation with our body is the same. It’s important to understand that life in our body is temporary, it’s just a performance with a certain scenery, actors and scenes. In this life one souls play the role of our parents, others the role of friends and so on. Then the performance is over, but we are shocked we don’t want to leave a scene!

Twice, I have experienced falling in a plane. I would say that there is nothing pleasant about it – people are shouting, the sea is coming closer and closer … But if you cope with it at least once and imagine that you will die, this life will come to the end and another life will start for you – it helps a lot. When you experience such things, you understand how small the other problems are.

The understanding of the fact that we all will die brings pleasure and harmony not fear. When we do so, we start appreciating everything – each relationship, each person in our life and every minute of communication. So, the main thing we understand is that we can give to the person as much love as possible. If we perceive each person and each relationship as a gift, they come to a higher level, and we start appreciating them more. If we live in fear, we disturb either others or ourselves.

In the Mahabharata there is one good parable. One king came to a stream and saw that all his brothers and relatives were lying dead. The voice from the Heaven asked: “We will kill you as well if you don’t answer correctly a sole question – what is most amazing in life? » The king answered: “the most amazing thing for me is the fact that all my relatives died, my parents and brothers died, I look at them but I still can’t believe that I can die”. The voice from above answered: you are the first who has given the correct answer.

All of us are subconsciously attached to the material body and we consider that we will live eternally. But it’s important to understand that all in this world is temporary, so all the problems will go away. Is it worth being afraid if you can give love in any situation?

Our relationships with other people are also temporal, therefore if we are harmonious inside we will not become attached to them, and we do not think that our relationships are the base of our happiness. Each person is the human being I can give love to but if he chooses another road, I just accept it and wish him happiness.

Our happiness and harmony are inside us. But in this world we get used to putting happiness in dependence on something external, in desire to keep happiness. Thus, very often we spoil somebody’s life – attachments poison the relationships. One Sufi said once: “The stream shoaled because we dammed it for ourselves, the harp string was torn because we tightened it too strongly”

It is normal if you worry about your relationships and make efforts to keep them, especially when you feel that this person is your destiny. It is necessary to take care of the partner without losing your own personality. Because if you “enter” the partner emotionally, you start living his life instead of your own. It is nearly the same situation when you plow your neighbor’s field while yours is full of weeds. So you need to hill the field – the field of your heart.

The fear of loneliness also proceeds from mind. But we are not alone because we are always connected with God. God is everything, He is the Absolute Love. We need this eternal link, but in a material world we don’t experience it so we transfer it to somebody and even start demanding it.

The harmonious person does not depend on external circumstances. The more you are attached to someone or something, the more sufferings this object will bring to your life. But why make yourself suffer? Each loved one is a godsend, but nobody knows for what time – we are only companions. We should accept this fact quietly.

This philosophical understanding of the fact that everything can happen in our life relieves us from many problems. Live and take pleasure in the “Here and now”, what need is there for shall worrying about what can happen tomorrow?

The astronauts who flew to space and saw the Earth at a distance of several hundred kilometers, said: when you see, what tiny place is taken by our planet in space, you start understanding that life is temporal, and all the problems are illusory. Just imagine: there are more than 6 billion people on our planet, but everyone considers himself to be the center of the Universe.

It is very important to understand the temporarily of everything that surrounds us in our life; it is rented for one life only. In total, this life is given to us only with the one purpose – to exchange love. The more love we spread around, the happier we become.

In general, we are never lonely. But modern people can’t stay alone and enjoy the silence – we always need external noise, we go to the jungle of the high-floor houses, turn on the TV, radio, listen to the music. But it is important to learn to be happy alone– either to go to the trip or just go for a walk alone. Learn to be self-sufficient and harmonious, and only then you will be able to create harmonious relationships with other people.

All of us want to be a part – a part of a certain company, society where we are appreciated and respected. If we get rid of fear, we will find the place to live and work. The majority of people do not work at the right place, because they are worried about money and prestige. But it is important to live in the “here and now” and to execute your Dharma, or duty.

Many people are afraid of making mistakes, making the wrong choice. However, there is no use in doing this. According to statistics, Napoleon, who is considered to be one of the most talented military leaders, lost the majority of his battles. Even geniuses make mistakes. Coming to this material world a human being makes four main mistakes: plunging in illusion, deception of others, tendency to make mistakes and inability to perceive information by the five sense correctly.

We make mistakes unconsciously because we can’t see the whole picture. But, in this world it is very important to let yourself make mistakes. It’s just an experience. You can make a conclusion and go on. Such an attitude helps get rid of fear and stress, which block our intuition.

Certainly, it doesn’t mean that you should do anything you wish. It is necessary to follow the common sense and to listen to intuition. I mean as soon as you let yourself make mistakes, you will experience the flow of energy, tension will go away and correct decisions will come more spontaneously.

The majority of diseases and misfortunes comes to our life because of fear. People lose their relationships generally because of fear. Fear is the source of all problems because we have love or fear inside – you can’t have both.

If we live at the level of soul – we live in love, in the “here and now”.

If a person acts at the level of ego and mind, fear becomes his main emotion even if they are engaged in religious activity. Their mind is overloaded with the fear of the future or memories of the past.

If we live at the level of selfishness, we have fears only. At first it is necessary to reach something, then – to hold it. But in your heart you understand that you can’t hold it forever – as a result fears are born. But if you live feeling unconditional love, relying on God, there won’t be any fears. The main principle is to accept the world, each person and the destiny such as they are and treat everything as an invaluable gift.

In Buddhism there is a remarkable parable called “great understanding”. A woman, whose only child died, came to Buddha. She was crying: the child was her only pleasure and hope. Buddha smiled at her and said: “Go to the city and ask a few mustard grains in the house where nobody died. Then come to me, and I will help you”. The woman came to each house and everywhere they told her: “We could give you some mustard grains, but unfortunately in our house many people died”. The woman came to each house, but they said: you won’t find such a house where nobody died. So the great understanding came to her. She understood that death is a part of life … With this understanding she came to Buddha. He asked her: “Where are the mustard grains? “. The woman smiled and answered: “Initiate me, please – I want to learn immortal things”

At this level, we accept everything as a present , because we understand that nothing ever dies and this is our nature.

Fear gives rise to unnecessary tension, but the biggest problem is that if we are afraid – we can’t love. One of the first steps on the way to victory over fear is to fall in love with what you are afraid of. Then the fear leaves. There is one good psychological practice – to personify the fear. You imagine your fear as a man in all the details – and … send love to him. You will see: love will change everything.

One of my followers suffered from a stomachache. She tried to get rid of it by different methods– she forgave everybody, reconsidered her actions and so on, but nothing could help. It lasted more than two weeks, and she was getting ready for a surgery. I advised her to love her illness, to imagine it as a living substance, energy and to fill it with love. She followed my advice and her pain disappeared very quickly – within half an hour.

This eastern technique is very effective. The things we love, become our ally, so pain and fear just disappear. If we fight against something – we experience counteraction, if we leave from antagonism – the conflict disappears.

That is why in the East they say: if you want to win the enemy, love him, if you want to succeed in life – love whatever happens.

Fears are given so that they can be overcome and we can progress, realizing our talents in the best way. In Vedic astrology fears belong to Rakhu’s zone – the person is afraid of going somewhere but if he decides to go there, he succeeds. In other words, our opportunities for progress are where there is the most fear. Very often we grow after having overcome our fears.

Humor and Goodness help us in overcoming fears and tension since humor is a Divine quality. Just try joking and you will relax immediately and release yourself from fear.

Laugh at your fear, at the situation, etc.

I recommend you to live in joy, to add humor to your life as much as possible. Every day we wake up and we have a choice where to go to paradise or to hell. It depends on us where to go because not a single thing from the outside is needed to make us happy, everything is inside us.

There is no use worrying about future, it’s important just to live in the “Here and Now” to make our life a holiday because we are the builders of our future. We are co-creators, a small part of God, never forget about it.

People living at a higher spiritual level are always happy even if they die of an awful disease. Their happiness doesn’t depend on external circumstances, they are full of harmony and are free of fears. Even facing such a situation they send love to other human-beings and set an example as to how to love life.

If you feel unhappy, go to the children’s cancer therapy and you’ll understand what the real unhappiness is. Stop irritating God with constant complaints, claims and groans. You always have a choice – to live a perfect life or to wallow in fear of losses and misfortunes. Don’t forget: life is a huge performance, and you decide to make it either a comedy or a tragedy.

This idea is illustrated in Calcutta very well. Poverty reached inconceivable levels there: there is dirt, garbage, the homeless crying in pain on the streets. At the same time it is possible to see happy boys playing soccer even though they are hungry, twenty of their brothers are also hungry and they live in a hut instead of a house. But all of them are absolutely happy! How ridiculous do stressed and dissatisfied Americans look passing by these boys in the bus with the conditioner!

The best method for getting rid of fears is to imagine that all that you are afraid of happens and then accepting it, telling yourself: “If God wants this for me – then this is the best way for me to grow here and now. I’m ready to accept this situation inside, but at a higher level I continue to do something to prevent such a situation”

Another good method is to sit down and imagining all the fears floating away like a gas.. Despite the fact that it may seem unattractive, this method is very effective.. It’s very important to be able to look at the situation with humor. Humor is a Divine quality. So, if you start looking at the problem with humor, everything changes – the Universe organizes everything in the best way. I recommend you not to be too logical. The higher you rise spiritually, the less logic you’ll find. Fear constrains, and humor, on the contrary, helps to relax, because humor is Love.

There are cases when you need years of hard work to cope with some fears, especially if the fear is connected with a certain subconscious program which holds you for years.

I recommend not procrastinating in dealing with your fears. If you want to develop Divine Love within you, you have to get rid of fears. You can sit down and write: My goal is to get rid of fear (do not write anything with “not”) but I accept any possible outcome, let God lead me.

It’s important to understand that you are strong enough to get rid of any fear but you have to set a certain goal and write it down. If you don’t want to get rid of it inside your heart, you treat it like a baby.

The goal should be written down regularly for several weeks to give a command to your subconscious. Then the Universe starts helping you, giving you suitable situations. If you don’t write down your goal – the Universe wonn’t understand – just imagine -we have over 60 thousand thoughts a day.

Belief in God gives the understanding that God loves us and wishes us happiness. Why do they say, that there are no atheists at the site of the death in war? Because when we experience the strongest fear, we start praying and behave like a baby when it starts calling its mother when in a difficult situation.

There are special prayers in Judaism that relieve from fear and give strength.

In eastern psychology and in several Christian schools the repetition of God’s name is considered to help a lot to cope with fear. For example you may repeat the “Our Father”, “The Jesus”- prayer, in Vedantism – mantras “Om namah Shivaya”, “Hare Krishna” or “Om namo Narayanaya”. God’s names possess the spiritual power and bring light to darkness. The repetition of God’s names before death helps to enter the Spiritual world.

Get rid of your fear and just be happy! All our thoughts, emotions and actions are triggered by love or by fear. In the first case you become healthy, happy and successful, in the second one – you destroy your own and other people’s lives.

What prevails over in your present life – love or fear? It is only your own choice…

This article is a chapter from the book of Rami Bleckt “Destiny and me”

The author: Rami Bleckt